![]() I was finally confronted with the reality of HIV, after years of dancing with risk. “Because everybody’s catching HIV off him. The friend was instantly alert.Īlarm bells began to ring: “Yeah, of course.” Trying not to appear too interested, I nonchalantly asked about the Beautiful Man. But a month later, back in that same Vauxhall club, I bumped into a mutual friend. As a young gay man who wasn’t in a relationship, had multiple partners and was haphazard with condoms, I was a ‘Bad Gay’. I remember thinking to myself, even as the orgasm built, that I had not been tested for a year: what if I unwittingly gave it to him? Enough of the HIV message had seeped in to lace my pleasure with fear and guilt. Both being inebriated we hadn’t used protection, and PrEP wasn't yet on the horizon. Yet I made sure to pull out before I came. I happily went back with him and spent some of the most pleasurable time of my life inside him. He seemed to be blithely unaware of his power. ![]() Like when he made a joke and checked to make sure I smiled. But underneath the surface trappings, he had this shyer, nervous beauty. A dark-eyed smoulder and a masculine swagger. He had everything the gay scene adores: youth, perfect body, eight pack abs. I once met a beautiful man in a Vauxhall club.
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